The Mother Code: My Story of Love, Loss, and the Myths That Shape Us

In this propulsive memoir, an award-winning journalist blends history, science, and cultural criticism to uncover whether motherhood outside of society's rigid rules and expectations is possible--and whether she fits the mold for what a mother should be.

"This tender, generous book does the hard work of redefining 'motherhood' and 'family' so that they honor all aspects of a woman's life."--Christie Tate, author of the New York Times bestseller Group

Ruthie Ackerman had long believed that the decision to not have children was a radical act. She'd grown up being told that she came from a long line of women who had abandoned their kids and feared she would pass on her half-brother's rare genetic disorder. So when she marries a man who doesn't want children, she hopes she can be happy without any. But a voice in her head keeps returning to the question: What if mothering can be a radical act too? When her marriage veers off course, she goes searching through the twists and turns of her DNA to decide once and for all whether she should become a mother.

By the time Ruthie finally determines that she desperately wants a child, she learns that motherhood won't happen the way she thought it would. Now she must enter the hall of mirrors where biology, genetics, and philosophy collide as she wonders what it means to both create and nurture a life. What does inheritance really entail? What does it mean to be a "good" mother? When it comes down to it, how important is nature versus nurture? And where are the models for what a "good life" can look like for women, both with and without children?

Synthesizing reportage and memoir, The Mother Code unravels how we've come to understand the institution of motherhood. What emerges is a groundbreaking new vision for what it means to parent: a mother code that goes beyond our bloodlines and genetics and instead urges us to embrace inheritance as the legacy we want to leave behind for those we love.

Author: Ruthie Ackerman
Publisher: Random House
Published: 05/06/2025
Pages: 336
Binding Type: Hardcover
Weight: 0.90lbs
Size: 8.30h x 5.70w x 1.30d
ISBN: 9780593730119


Review Citation(s):
Kirkus Reviews 04/01/2025
Library Journal 03/21/2025 pg. 1
Booklist 04/22/2025

About the Author
Ruthie Ackerman's writing has been published in Vogue, Glamour, O Magazine, The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Salon, Slate, and Newsweek. She launched the Ignite Writers Collective in 2019 and has since worked with hundreds of writers to publish their own stories. Her client wins include a USA Today bestseller, book deals with Big 5 publishers, representation by buzzy book agents, and essays in prestigious outlets. Ruthie Ackerman has a master's degree in journalism from New York University and lives in Brooklyn with her family.