All Toddlers Are Scorpios: An Astrological Guide to Your Adorable Tiny Terror

In the spirit of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You and Go the F**k to Sleep, humor writer Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into this hilarious astrology guide.

"Charming, funny, and most importantly: cathartic." --Glenn Boozan, New York Times bestselling author of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You

Parenting can be one of the most magical, hilarious, and maddening experiences known to humankind. One minute your little wonder is blowing you kisses, the next they're licking the neighbor's car. This book is for every parent who has ever felt like they've slipped through the space-time continuum while waiting for a small child to put on their shoes, or for the caregiver who can't believe the heart-crushing love they feel for someone who just threw yogurt in their face. This is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with someone who cackles when you break your toe and insists on wearing oven mitts to bed.

Blending parental exasperation with cosmic insight, Gohmann breaks down toddler personalities by zodiac sign--offering a starry-eyed (and slightly frazzled) look at the joys and mysteries of raising tiny humans. The profiles of each zodiac sign include sections dedicated to best (and worst!) toddler playdate matches; toddler's preferred music, snacks, and toys; parent-child zodiac compatibility; and hilarious illustrations throughout from cartoonist Emily Flake. Whether you are raising a tenacious Taurus, a balanced Libra, or, yes, a hell-raising Scorpio, this is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with a tiny terror.

Author: Johanna Gohmann
Publisher: Running Press Adult
Published: 04/07/2026
Pages: 176
Binding Type: Hardcover
Weight: 1.00lbs
Size: 8.00h x 6.10w x 0.80d
ISBN: 9798894141275

About the Author
Johanna Gohmann is an essayist, humor writer, and children's book author whose work has appeared in The New Yorker, The Cut, and McSweeney's, among other publications. She currently makes her home in Brooklyn, where she lives with her Irish computer nerd husband and their Scorpio son. You can find her at JohannaGohmann.com and on Instagram at @johannagohmann.

Emily Flake is a cartoonist, writer, and illustrator, and a regular contributor to The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and many other publications. She is the author of Joke in a Box, That Was Awkward, and Mama Tried. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, daughter, and alarmingly large cat. You can find her at EmilyFlake.com and on Instagram at @eflakeagogo.