The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life

The London-Bawd: With Her Character and Life - Discovering the Various and Subtle Intrigues of Lewd Women

Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's, and a true Daughter of Eve, who having first undone herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of Sampson's Foxes, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well, thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar Bacon's brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that Time Was when the best Gentlemen wou'd have prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats Time's Past, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it common. She hates Forty One as much as an old Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and make up the difference. She's the most like a Medlar of any thing, for she's never ripe till she's rotten. She is never without store of Hackney Jades, which she will let any one Ride, that will pay for their hire. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, That they that cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still changing Quarters, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th' Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane, and beating Hemp in Bridewel. She has been formerly a Pretender to Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in Pick-Song, but She is most expert at a Horn-Pipe. She understands Means a little, but Trebles very well, and is her self a perfect Base. Tho' she lives after the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a Countrey-Gentleman she makes a Cods-head; and of a rich Citizens Son a Gudgeon; a Swordsman in Scarlet, she takes for Lobster; and a severe Justice of Peace, she looks on as a Crab: Her Poor Customers, are like Sprats, and Pilchards, who are more considerable for their number than they are for their Value; whilst the Punk is her Salt Eel, and the Pander her Shark and her Swordfish. Her Charity is very great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds 'em Beds, but Bed-fellows too, of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty Honest-Houses and not Meet with. She brings more Wicked Wretches to Repentance than many a good Preacher; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll leave them such a Twinging Remembrance in their Joynts, that their very Bones shall ake, but she'll make them repent that e'er they had to do with her. And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix such a visible Mark in their Faces, as shall make 'em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and so bring 'em to Repentance with a Pox to 'em. Yet she has very little Conscience, for she makes nothing of Selling One Commodity to Twenty Customers: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear loosing their Custom. She's often broke, and as often sets up again; which She does without any great charge; for three strong Water-Bottles, Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Glass: and a Pimp to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the Cart and Bridewel. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out in Stew'd flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the Justice of Quorum; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures him she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so much as the Approach of Shrove-Tuesday; for she's more afraid of the Mob, than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction. ......Buy Now (To Read More)

Product details

Ebook Number: 15883
Author: Anonymous
Release Date: May 23, 2005
Format: eBook
Language: English